how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
