You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
