kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Be still, my beating vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
