He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
