I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
