you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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