i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
