Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
