Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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