these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize