dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
