This house was built for laser tag.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
