just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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