Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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