there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
