Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
