i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
