I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
