I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Randomize
