If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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