Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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