Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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