hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
