I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
