i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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