Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
