Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
3 2 1 whiskey
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
