I wish I only lived at night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
