I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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