Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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