No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
