Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
