Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
