I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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