i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize