Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
