It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she peed on how many people?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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