I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
