I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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