Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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