One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
