So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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