After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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