i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
