I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
