Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
