i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize