Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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