Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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