at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
