i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
