jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
