I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
