someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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