you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
