Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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