Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
