I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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