ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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