I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
