the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
