My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
