On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We don't watch enough power rangers
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
