He kissed a someone with a penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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