Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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