I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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