i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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