can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
