you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
