i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
