What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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