I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
