If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
