woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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