Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
