And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
smell my finger.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
