first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
