How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
