so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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