this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
