You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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