My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
