we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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