All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
