look no pants
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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