ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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