Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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