True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
