you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
