Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
