my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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