Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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