My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do herpes really smell.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
