I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
