I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
