It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
