There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the condom got lost in my hair
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
