i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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