Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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