His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
