I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize