Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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