R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
