girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
