A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
