I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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