I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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