Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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