Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
