I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize