I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
