I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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