everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
