just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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