Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
