Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize