she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
