But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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